2014

It's 2015. God, it feels good. Seems like an apt time to do some self-reflection I suppose, even though when I think about 2014, all I see is a blur. Do you understand when I say the year felt so short yet so long?
Okay, where do I begin? 2014 was a year of new beginnings, breakdowns, triumphs, self-discovery, and I think it's good that when I think about the year, all the happy memories come first. My mind is a puddle of muddled thoughts right now, so I think I will make a list because I'm that kind of person.

1) I learnt that you need to surround yourself only with people who make you feel good, and not be afraid of letting go of people who don't. Obviously easier said than done, because sometimes there's this little part of me that secretly wishes to please everybody but that doesn't happen and I have come to accept that. Don't be afraid of missing out or pissing people off when you cut them from your life because it's not worth it to sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of pleasing someone. It's harsh (coming from someone who hates conflict and just wants to avoid it) but it will make you happier.

2) Good things happen at the most unexpected times. Fate can be a real bitch at times, and just when you're about to fall apart and envelope yourself in self-doubt over why things aren't going how you'd like them to be, fate is just going to step in and throw something incredibly precious into your life. Well, at least that's what happened to me in 2014. I guess the plan for everyone is different, so it does you no good to compare yourself to the people around you, and you just need to have faith that it is going to get better.

3) Be hard on yourself at the right times. I used to think I was a perfectionist and that part of me is still there, but somehow I feel that it's less intense now. Life is so damn confusing because some days I go "heck it, this is the best I can give at this point, I'm going to leave my hands off of it" and other days I'm like "damn it, why can't I be more (whatever) and live up to expectations?" The thing with expectations is that you gotta know when to stop. They can elevate you but they can also destroy you.  With work and all, sure, give your all and exceed expectations, but with people and relationships, sometimes you just gotta be like "I screwed up, I'm sorry, but we've all been there and I just want to be a better person to/with you", you know?

I think that sums it up. And of course, I've got resolutions too, but I think I'll save them for another time when I've got a clearer picture and written them down.
Well, to the people who have stuck close by me in this one hell of a year, you know who you are, and I just wanna say that I am so thankful for you and I know I'm not the best at expressing my emotions, but that does not lessen my appreciation for you. Thank you for understanding me even in silence and for being so nice and accepting to me no matter what. Sometimes I feel like an awful misfit, but I know I am not alone, and that is a blessing. Have a smashing 2015 :-)