Feeling quite optimistic today. I feel like I walked a lot today haha if that made any difference.
If you don't already know, I think about the future a lot. The what ifs and would bes. I don't know if there's any point in pondering about what hasn't happened/may never even happen but I can't help myself. Don't you ever find yourself walking through a crowd and thinking: I could have just walked past someone who could possibly change my life?? Or like: how am I going to be like next year/in 10 years?? Will I go through this dramatic quarter-life crisis? Will I be all that I hope to be? I exaggerate. I mean honestly, nothing nothing ever goes exactly the way you want it to. I guess that's why the idea of thinking about things we can't control seems so....intriguing? I could potentially be on the verge of an existential crisis, but I think not. I'm quite happy to be existing at this moment, even if I have no clue what's my purpose of existing.................
Today I met a speaker, a doctor actually, who chooses to volunteer in rural areas instead of living the high life doctors presumably have. He was quite entertaining, not your stereotypical doctor. Yes I really appreciate it when speakers can take advantage of my short attention span. A few things that stuck: 1) there is no beauty in poverty. When people like us visit less developed places, we always notice how the kids are still happy even though they have nothing, and we always say how we should learn from that and all but I guess it never really hit me that they were only smiling because that's all they can do. They can't change the fact that they're poor and no, being poor is not a happy thing at all, but they try anyway. 3 years ago I went to Cambodia and even though it wasn't all that fun, I'm glad that the time spent with the kids at the school is what I remember most about that trip. In fact I want to go back, or at least do something similar elsewhere. I just need to get connections a r g h
2) loneliness kills more people than obesity. Seems like something you'll laugh at when you first hear it but so painfully true!??! Coincidentally watched svu today where I was taught we never know how it's like to be truly alone until we experience it ourselves (which is quite unlikely unless you somehow get locked up in solitary confinement which sounds horrible). There have been several times when I just think about how many true friends I actually have and it kinda kicks me in the gut. True friends aka people you can absolutely trust and rely on to be there for you and to understand you. People who will be 100% happy for you when you accomplish great things without feeling any tinge of jealousy. I'm not complaining about the friends I have, not one bit, but I guess sometimes you just realise that hey, there's actually only a few people I would want to call if I'm feeling absolutely gutted. Then will my hi-bye friends always remain as hi-bye friends?? I would be lying if I said I've never felt lonely, but the thing is, even if you're physically alone and you have no one to talk to, you can still find comfort in your favourite song or shows and books that can touch your heart. Loneliness feels awful, but I am thankful that I do not have to sit in complete silence, enclosed by four bare walls and left with nothing. I do not have to endure the screaming such silence entails and my loneliness is often temporary. Maybe if I keep thinking like that, I won't feel that lonely anymore.
I would be very happy if you read this thinking: YES I GET YOU but otherwise it's alright too I appreciate you all the same. Hard to believe next week is the last week of block 3.....I hope all my submissions go smoothly man. Ever-lasting struggle to get inspiration for writing and for work *deep sigh* going to try to be more optimistic from now on because it's as contagious as negativity so why spread hate when you can spread happiness oh yea
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