So far it's alright

For the past few days I've been wanting to write something but I always end up staring at a screen that stays blank. Is it because I hardly feel anything? But here I am - in the aftermath of the crazy joyride that was year 1. And tonight, I was scrolling through something and I guess something struck a chord, because here I am, feeling just enough to cough up a decent list of things on my mind.

i. I really detest worrying about the little things. Should I get a job? Should I buy this? Is it worth it? Is this going to go well? Are people going to like what they see? I don't know if everyone else worries as much as I do. My friends told me that I have a thing for making everything sound calm, through the way I speak. Lately I've been questioning if that is a good thing or not. Perhaps in certain situations, we are not meant to stay calm. Maybe we'll find comfort in chaos - you can interpret that however you want. If you keep saying "don't worry, it's okay" when it is not okay - which I have a terrible habit of doing - are they going to build up and crush you?

ii. Someone said love is unplanned and sloppy. I like that, but do you come across a statement that you really like and then try to mould it to fit into your own life? Some days I think I'm in love and some days I question my own idea of love and that is confusing as shit. We always say not to have expectations to avoid disappointment, but for real, it's not possible for me to have zero expectations. I'm always planning things ahead and choosing what to show or stow, so I think I should start doing less of that.

Well my train of thoughts got disjointed because I'm getting too caught up in my playlist which is never a bad thing. Dramatically lip-syncing to songs is so amazing. I'm going to get some hobbies this holiday, and stick to them and create magnificent things. Me a year ago would never have said this, but I guess it's better not to dwell on sad things, and speak about happy things to people instead. Till next time.