Wake up

On Sunday, a war was raging on inside of me and I went about my day looking completely dreadful and offbeat. I become so selfish on bad days.
On Monday, the war was put to a (temporary) stop by people who only mean well. I like meeting new people because I like to know how their impression of me differs from my own impression of myself.  It's also incredibly satisfying to meet someone who likes the same things you do.
Someone asked how I was like back in secondary school and though I left it at "about the same as how I am now", I've been thinking about it, still. One thing I still hate is not being able to respond to people with the right words in that exact moment. I'm thinking so much but what I sputter out hardly ever mirrors my thoughts. Well obviously I still don't say much (and I'd really appreciate it if people were less bothered by that fact because sometimes I just like to stick to an inner monologue), but I think I'm better now. I think I've also become more spontaneous and "heck-it-just-do-it", but the catch is that you have to get over your regrets quicker too.
A month ago, I sat with three people I just met and when we were over with the shallow small talk and about to linger in silence, I asked if they were introverts or extroverts. Then I expressed my annoyance towards certain pop stars. From then on, I passed off as a straightforward person to them and I like being known as a straightforward person.
One thing that has remained constant throughout the years is that I need to be alone after consecutive days of going out and being with people. I actually look forward to this, very therapeutic.
So today, amidst all this self-reflection, I think it's appropriate to say good job to me, for surviving the shit that happens too often, and for turning into someone people wouldn't mind being friends with. Sometimes you just need to do that and be like "hey I actually didn't screw up that bad".
I've been reading Gone Girl and I'm not done yet (almost there!!) but god damn, it's so good, so twisted. You should give it a go.
Here's to a great week ahead, of understanding people and having people understand me.