I hope I make sense now.

Feeling quite positive and cheery today, so I decided to make good use of it before this place becomes dominated by angst all the time.
Just got my Mac a few days ago and god damn, does it feel good. Everything looks so clean and feels so smooth haha yes as you can tell, I'm a rookie at this.
I've been reading Nineteen Minutes thanks to Charmaine and at first I was kinda emotionless about it because I was never a fan of Jodi Picoult, but now, I can't not carry on reading because it got really intense which I totally did not see coming because the summary at the back didn't even hint at what exactly happened in the story so.....yeah. And I like how she wrote in this, but well, I'm not even halfway through yet so I'm not sure how I'll feel once I'm done. But I will tell you how I feel.
Going on a short getaway to JB tomorrow and I'm quite excited because honestly the holidays are getting quite monotonous and I miss school already. I don't even have to pack anything so I can focus on the important things like making sure I have a good playlist for the road ha ha ha ha.
I feel like this weekend felt exceptionally good for me because I guess I managed to think a lot and get my shit together. Getting your shit together doesn't always mean fixing all your screw ups and righting all your wrongs and making everyone happy. No, it means coming to terms with all the things that did not go the way you would have wanted them to, and being like "hey, it's rough but I'm okay with that" and "I'm going to get better". And I finally tidied my wardrobe wow?!?!
Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite which is very ironic because I do not like hypocrites but you know, sometimes, you don't understand the things you tell people. Maybe you say it because it's expected of you or you're just trying to project yourself as this ideal image which you haven't even become yet. Anyway, once you say it, you can't really take it back without screwing things up, but you can't pretend forever. One day, you're just going to wonder why you're putting up with this and why you're just being so fake, that you're just gonna snap and betray whatever you "believe", when in fact you're just growing as a person, really. Point is, things are gonna get screwed eventually, whether you like it or not, and it's pretty much your fault. Maybe you're gonna put yourself through hell and feel bad for both yourself and the people you've deceived. Well, that isn't going to work out and you're going to have to let go of one eventually (and if you know well enough, you'd know which one).
I wonder if people from like the pre-internet era had problems like these when they were seventeen. It's like these problems happen too much because our hands are too eager to graze the keyboard that we don't even have time to think about what the hell we're doing. Well if they did, would they trash-talk it out or just stop talking to each other or write letters perhaps?? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like dressing up like I walked out from the 50s or 60s but then I see that my wardrobe is limited.
There are many times when I'm reminded how bad I am at giving advice which is quite nerve-wrecking because I never know if the words I say will have some crazy ripple effect I don't even know about but I'm not really here to give advice. I'm just trying to make something good out of the issues that have haunted me I guess.
Next week, I'm going to have a number of chances to go out and about and get some (hopefully good) photos so I'm looking forward to that.
Going to get back to reading now. School, please start sooooooon. Goodbye!! x