Pretentious

Hiya been a while since I posted and I guess this is one of those days where I have a lot going on in my head and I just shut everybody out because I don't know how to say how I feel and I'd rather not anyway. I haven't been doing much all day which idk, makes me feel kind of empty inside. 2 things I've been thinking about: time and relationships. 2 things we hardly can wrap our heads around. I feel like many people out there are actually making good use of their holidays like getting a job they enjoy, going out, having fun, travelling all over the word etc and I feel quite inadequate/incompetent in that aspect. Most of the people I want to meet are busy with their own business or overseas and I'm still jobless though I don't really want to get a job anymore despite nagging from the parents because there's nowhere I'm absolutely dying to work at and I feel like I should devote my time to personal projects instead of slaving my ass away trying to climb up the social ladder when I will be doing so for a good 30 years of my life. 

Yes I know I'm supposed to be appreciative of the fact that I could actually go overseas this holiday and I am, don't get me wrong, but I really want to have an adventure. Like going to faraway lands infused with lots of culture and amazing scenery and doing things I never thought I'd be able to do in my life. And of course that needs money and independence.......bottom line is, I just need to accomplish that before I die. 

Time waits for no one and you can't just expect great things to happen if you don't do anything to make it happen. But what am I supposed to do? I am conflicted. Like searching for my version of a Great Perhaps.

Relationships are like threading on thin ice. Risky. You don't see what's coming next. You need to be careful, or you'll fall hard and struggle. Sometimes, someone reaches out to pull you to safety but sometimes you're just alone in the cold, waiting. But when you do make it across the ice, it's a big sigh of relief because you finally feel safe. Does that sum it up?

Anyway I'm going to stop here. In other news, got started on reading Paper Towns. At last. And the Bangkok post will be coming up soon. Take care!! And if you haven't heard, I have started a food blog (tartsandstuff.blogspot.com) with Natalie which is very exciting for me. The support we've received is insanely gratifying.

X

Have you ever felt pretentious? Like when you come across someone who you really want to be like, but you tell yourself not to because that would be unoriginal and untrue to yourself. But still, subconsciously or even unconsciously, you pick up the little details about them and put them on yourself. It could be the words you use when you speak or the way you do your hair, either way, you still mimick them in some way and even though you shouldn't be doing so, you do it anyway. Because in your eyes, you are not good enough as you. They are better, and you want to be better too. Ah but there's a difference between learning from someone and copying someone.

I need to be better I need to be better I need to be better