Let's see: prelims are in one month and 5 days. That is crazy.
Anyway, the main purpose of this post is to question what I am doing with my life. Yesterday night was crap. Like, I don't even know what I was doing? But I am blessed to have people who can relate and care. I know some people may think that I'm overreacting over the fact that I wasn't productive yesterday and that I'm too paranoid and that I should learn to chill. You guys are probably right, but it's a natural thing to worry right? I am just waiting for o'levels to be over so I can be liberated and start doing things I genuinely enjoy. At the same time, I don't want it to be over that fast because that means new, uncertain beginnings. But the wait is SO torturous!
If you are reading this and you have no idea what I'm getting at, it's okay. No need to get all bothered about it :) the thing is, I have made plans. I know what I want to do in the future. Currently, I'm definitely more inclined to the poly route rather than going to JC which I think confuses people, and I understand. I mean, if I've been wanting to go to poly all along, why choose triple 9, why choose to take so many subjects that have no relation to my future career choice, why give myself so much stress right? I didn't have a definitive decision about life after Crescent until late last year, so when I had to choose my subjects, my thoughts were: since I can take triple 9, why not? It'll open more doors for me. So I did. And now that I know what I want to do, I definitely have less pressure to score a very low L1R5 score since I don't even want to go JC. But I still want to do well, for the self-satisfaction. I don't regret taking triple 9 because I really like my classmates and teachers, but I find myself losing motivation easily. It seems like I'm forcing myself to study and do what all the hardworking people I know are doing. That is why I cannot wait for o'levels to be over. I'll be done with all this shit and I can focus on dedicating my time to pursuing my passion and doing things I genuinely enjoy and want to be good at. But I'm not going to give up and not care about grades because I can't. I'm not gonna disappoint myself and others. All I can do is endure all this for a few more months, make the best out of it, rant to whoever will listen once in a while, and move on.
So that was the tangled mess that happened yesterday. Feels good to say all this. I know whatever I've said really doesn't concern any of you but thank you for staying till this point anyway. Oh look, I've got to get back to studying soon...
But before I go, I got my hands on Perks of Being A Wallflower from the library yesterday and I really like reading it. I feel like every time I read it, I can just relate to Charlie and see things from his perspective which is really refreshing for me. Sigh Perks, you just do it for me.
Today seems more bright, but my life is so monotonous now man. Maybe I'll go running around the estate later. I need a music player that I can bring around while running because my phone is obviously too big.
Thank you for reading this serious post xx
Everywhere you go
my heart will follow
Down this broken road
I'll be your shadow//
When your heart is burning cold
and your world is throwing stones//
Everywhere you go
I'll be there
#RIPCoryMonteith
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